The past two posts have contained perspectives from both genders. We gathered various responses and came up with one conclusion. See if you can detect the code to understanding the opposite gender based on these responses:
What is one thing you wish the opposite gender could understand about men/women?
W. It’s ok if you don’t know what to do with us sometimes. Just love us. Love us with all that you have to the bottom of your soul and we will give you everything in return.
M. Not all men are emotionally retarded. Generalizing all men as emotionally blunted is insensitive.
W. Take the time to learn our “love languages” and it will pay off big time if you do.
M. Men like to feel desired. We want to feel like you find us attractive. We want to feel needed but not in a co-dependent way.
W. That our emotions are complicated and they should just do what we say and not ask questions :)
M. We want clear and direct communication. One of the hardest things is to figure out what women want through their passive requests. We want clarity and directness but soft and empathy in the requests.
W. Take the time to understand our various emotions without trying to fix them or make them go away.
M. That asking for help from your man and then totally chewing his ass out for not vacuuming, doing the dishes, dusting, grocery shopping, fridge arranging or whatever “right”. Why even try if its never going to be how she wants it?
W. Understand that we have menstrual cycles and rollercoaster type emotions. We can’t always control it. Our physical bodies can cause us to feel overwhelmed and confused.
M. That cutting off your man’s dignity and killing his pride doesn’t give you the right to turn around and say he is no longer the man you fell in love with. You’re right, he isn’t. He is the man you created.
W. Not everything is absolute for us. Please see the gray area that we see.
M. Men are natural problem solvers. We don’t want to dwell on the emotions of a problem and feel the situation. We want to claw our way out.
W. Not all women are the same and the best way to figure out others and know what you want is to have yourself figured out first.
M. That when I am quiet and just sitting next to her, I can be the happiest man in the world. People don’t have to talk at the Grand Canyon to admire and love it, why the heck do I have to be talking for her to think I am in love with her?
W. Be clear with your intentions from the start will usually save you from a lot of potential issues down the road.
M. That we are open books, if it aint there… its not there. What I say bothers me, bothers me, and that’s that.
W. Women need security and that we are loved in unloving and conflictual moments. We need a foundation of love and not abandonment. In the midst of an argument, we need to know you are still present in the relationship.
M. We don’t really mean to piss girls off. In fact, we would do better at keeping the peace if we could just predict what the trigger would be. It changes too often to keep track of.
W. We are relationally oriented. We get our identity and understanding of ourselves via relationships.
M. That when you ask for help but you don’t really want it, that you actually make us not want to care in the future.
W. Show us appreciation and not just with words. Actions matter.
M. Men are not women. We are made to do things differently and think differently. Reading minds is not our gift so please don’t test us to see if we can.
W. When you clean the house, I want to have sex with you.
M. DUDE, that girls can totally send their dude chocolates or something at work or hell I will take flowers… I’d really dig to one day be surprised with something.
W. Women are always right. Happy wife means happy life.
M. I think most women look better with no or minimal makeup. Stop making yourselves look like clowns.
So what did we discover in our journey to cracking the gender code…”
NO CODE WAS DETECTED.
It doesn’t matter who we are, male or female, we will never fully understand the opposite gender.
We have to accept who we are and we have to accept that we are very different in thought processes, emotions, and how we quantify intimacy.
We are complex beings that are constantly transforming.
In many ways the things that have been laid out in this post read a lot like a blueprint, it gives men and women a base understanding of where each one is coming from. We can see where our foundations are built, how we support ourselves, and how we withstand the battles life throws our way.
But that is just a blueprint.
It doesn’t show what that house has experienced or the events that have transpired in its halls. While you may be able to judge it by a few lines and structures, let’s not forget that stereotypes may have half truths and not all people fit the same gender mold.
Instead, look at the amazing beings our opposite genders are rather than thinking we can break out a wall or add an addition or change something in their blueprint.
Simply enjoy the person in front of you.
From all the research we have done in working with couples, the greatest “ah-HA” moment of love and joy in a relationship is when you start building your relationship together with one another instead of trying to rebuild and change each other.
After all these years, the one thing we can conclude is that neither gender has the code to fully deciphering or understanding the other, but just simply having the desire to want to, is a start to a lasting relationship in itself.
We leave you with the following quotes:
“Men are from earth, Women are from earth. Deal with it” -George Carlin
“We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly. -Sam Keen
Thanks for joining us in this three part mini series of a blog! A special thanks to all of you who shared your thoughts and opinions and to Adam Luke for co-writing this series with me. As always, please feel free to contact us with comments or questions or interested topics.
Hugs!
-Judy and Adam
Brea, CA